Healing Hearts: How Loss Inspired My Career in Medicine
Dr. Matt & his daughter.
The day that I knew I wanted to pursue a life’s work in medicine was the hardest day of my life.
Frankly, making the call to pursue medicine is the only thing that I remember being easy that miserable, sunny September Tuesday.
In part, it was an easy choice because from early childhood, I was the kind of kid that slung the drawstring blinds over my shoulder and pretended they were my stethoscope. Whenever someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was always “a doctor.”
What was it about medicine that was so alluring? Maybe it was the idea of applying my science-oriented brain to problem solving challenges. Human beings are many, many times more complex and nuanced than any kind of human-made machine, after all.
Maybe it was the promise of working directly with and for others in the most personal of ways.
Or maybe it was the allure of having to test and prove my mettle enough to get into medical school.
Honestly, at this point, I can’t recall anymore.
What I do remember vividly, though, was the feeling that I wanted to offer something meaningful of myself. I wanted to take my own suffering and loss and turn it into triumph and goodness and healing.
The day that I knew I wanted to pursue a life’s work in medicine was September 11, 2001, the hardest day of my life. My dad went to work, as he always did, on the 105th floor of the World Trade Center, Tower I.
He never made it home.
Dr. Matt & his father.
I was 14 years old, and completely devastated - in a way that there are still no good words for. There was so much suffering. Suffering and despair and sadness and loss and rage and more suffering, and even then, I had this sense that it couldn’t all be for nothing.
In the swirling haze of emotions that lingered for so long, the one thing that seemed clear to me was my way forward. In medicine, that suffering had sublime purpose: it would be my greatest teacher; a platform for understanding and relating to others in the most real and meaningful way.
In his passing, my dad gave me the greatest gift that I ever received.
He showed me unambiguously what my purpose is. He gave me direction. He taught me to lean in and listen when someone else is struggling. He reminded me of the importance of human connection.
He lit the torch and showed me the way.
In February, 2023, more than 21 years after his passing, I opened The Buddha’s Medicine in his memory.
Dedicated to Kenneth W. Van Auken, who left the material world on 9/11/2001. Neither gone, nor forgotten, and always, always loved.
Dr. Matt Van Auken, MD, MPH
Dr. Matt is an Ayurveda-trained, triple board-certified physician.
