Building Resilience Together: Ayurvedic Practices for Family Mental Wellness
My occupational calling is and will always be medicine. Every day, I find myself grateful for the continued opportunity I have to work in this field and interact with all kinds of wonderful, interesting people.
I also have another role (or, I guess, set of roles) at home, though, that are equally as important: I'm a husband, dad, and all-around family man.
As such, there are a lot of interactions that take place in my home that have the potential to influence my psychoemotional state, and also the psychoemotional health of my wife and kids (and two parrots - they respond to our emotional state very acutely).
We try to bring attention to that dynamic at home as much as sustainably possible. After all, being in touch with one's emotions is the first step to navigating them. But that's not always easy, and that's coming from a licensed medical doctor whose spouse is a family therapist.
In my roles as a family man and as a Western medical + Ayurvedic physician, I've seen firsthand (many times over) how our modern American consumerist lifestyle impacts personal and family mental health.
The constant digital connectivity, those packed schedules, and the many societal pressures upon us all create unprecedented challenges for maintaining emotional balance and good health within our families. The good news is that in the collective ancient wisdom of Ayurvedic medicine, there lies a treasure trove of practical solutions that can help us nurture stronger, more resilient family bonds.
Understanding Interpersonal Mental Health Through Ayurveda
In Ayurveda, we view mental health not as an isolated aspect of our lives experience, but as the product of the intricate connections between mind, body, and spirit.
Each family member has their unique mental constitution, or prakriti, influenced by the three primary doshas: vata, pitta, and kapha. One's mental and emotional state is also impacted by the two additional doshas that influence activity in the mind: rajas and tamas. Understanding these aspects of our physiology - and how they interact with each other within a person and between people - is at the foundation of how I approach family mental wellness. This applies to both my practice and to family life in my own home.
Vata, the driver of movement, often shows up as creativity, expressiveness, sensitivity, emotional awareness, and mobile mentation; folks with high vata are often off in their own world or in daydreams or reveling in fields of flowers. They may have some wanderlust, as well. Vata often presents as anxiety, restlessness, lack of focus, and/or difficulty sleeping, especially when present in excess or when there is dysfunction. I frequently see this in children who struggle to settle down or parents who can't shut off their racing thoughts.
Pitta, the processes of transformation and generation, can show up as warmth, assertiveness, protectiveness, intelligence, and strength of personality. At still other times, it may look like sharpness, irritability, stubbornness, perfectionism, impatience, or anger. It can also be explosive and combative at times. High pitta is common in high-achieving parents and in competitive siblings.
Kapha - which provides structure and scaffolding to our systems - is grounded, patient, soft, and caring at times. Folks with a lot of constitutional kapha can be like teddy bears. However, it can also show up as sluggishness, sloth, immovability, jealousy, covetousness, emotional density, emotional over-attachment, resistance to change, and anhedonia.
And for more on the mental doshas of rajas and tamas, check out this post here.
What makes family mental health particularly complex is how these energies interact with and influence each other among individuals in the family unit. For example, a pitta-dominant parent's intensity might trigger anxiety in their vata-sensitive child, or a kapha-strong teenager's withdrawal might be exasperating to a parent with a more mobile and proactive constitution.
So, how do we work with some of those complex family dynamics?
Daily Rituals (Dinacharya) for Family Mental Wellness
In Ayurveda, daily habits and routines - which we collectively call dinacharya - form the foundation of balanced health. These aren't simply individual practices, but also opportunities to weave cohesion and stability into family life.
Morning Practices for Grounding
The way we begin our day sets the tone for our personal and collective mental state. In my family, we prioritize these morning rituals:
Gentle awakening: Waking before or close to sunrise (or as close as possible) as often as possible aligns our systems with nature's rhythms - most especially, native circadian rhythms. I encourage families to limit the use of nervous system-jarring alarm clocks and instead use gentle sounds or natural (or at least natural-mimicking) light.
Warm oil self-massage (Abhyanga): Even a brief 5-minute self-massage of the feet, ankles, and ears with warm food-grade oil can ground the nervous system very nicely. Untoasted sesame oil is often a safe choice, but avocado oil or a mix of coconut and extra virgin olive can also be used. For children, a gentle head or foot massage from a parent is a wonderful way to invite more connection.
Breathwork and movement: A few minutes of synchronized breathing as a family—perhaps combined with gentle stretching or some yoga - helps balance the doshas before the day's demands begin.
Family Meal Routines
Meals provide built-in opportunities for doshic balance and family bonding together:
Regular timing: Consistency in meal times helps regulate digestion, maintain circadian regularity, and stabilize mood. We try to eat our largest meal at midday when digestive fire (agni) is strongest, though dinners together are also a priority at least a few times per week.
Mindful preparation: Involving family members in age-appropriate food preparation infuses meals with loving attention and teaches children about nutrition's role in emotional health. It's also a great way to encourage cooperative learning!
Gratitude practice: Before eating, we take a moment to acknowledge where our food came from and express gratitude, which cultivates a sattvic (balanced, peaceful) mind.
Evening Wind-Down Rituals
Evening rituals are particularly important for processing the day's experiences and preparing for restorative sleep:
Digital sunset: We turn off screens at least an hour before bedtime, allowing the mind to transition from the stimulating effects of blue light.
Tea time: Herbal, caffeine-free teas are a lovely way to hold a moment for family sharing. For children, a warm cup of milk (we use homemade oat milk at our home) with a pinch of cardamom powder can serve a similar purpose.
Oil foot massage: A brief foot massage with warm sesame oil (or a mix of equal parts extra virgin olive and coconut when there is a sesame allergy) grounds vata energy and signals to the body that it's time to rest.
Ayurvedic Nutrition for Emotional Balance
Ayurveda recognizes food as medicine for both body and mind. The foods we consume directly affect our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Dosha-Balancing Foods
Understanding each family member's doshic constitution helps tailor nutrition for emotional stability. It is not uncommon for there to be significant constitutional overlap among relatives, but no two people are identical! Therefore, no two individuals will have the exact same nutritional and health needs.
We are also all more complex than what you will commonly see on the internet regarding Ayurveda and constitutions. An emphasis on caring for a single dosha alone is often woefully inadequate to meet the needs of oneself and members of one's family. So while you will see lists of foods and spices to use for such-and-such dosha plastered all over the internet, you will not find such lists here. Be aware that lists like these are terribly misleading, entirely non-individualized, and frequently cause confusion for those interested in Ayurveda, as well as personal and family health.
There is no substitute for having a qualified, trained healthcare provider diagnose and illumine your constitution and/or that of a loved one. And that is what we recommend!
Family Cooking as Medicine
Some genuinely therapeutic family moments happen in the kitchen:
Spice exploration: We make a game of learning about different spices and their effects on mood. Turmeric for inflammation, saffron for depression, cardamom for soothing heat and anger, rosemary for focus, and so on - these become accessible tools for self-care.
Seasonal awareness: Aligning our diet with the seasons teaches children about their connection to nature's cycles and how to adapt to change - skill that also helps with emotional resilience.
Inclusive meal planning: Even young children can participate in choosing balanced meals, empowering them to understand the connection between what they eat and how they feel.
Mindful Eating Practices
How we eat affects our emotional processing as much as what we eat:
Device-free zones: Our dining table is strictly device-free at least a handful of times per week, opening space for unobstructed connection.
Chewing meditation: We encourage chewing each bite thoroughly, noticing flavors and textures. This simple practice develops presence and improves digestion, which Ayurveda links directly to mental clarity.
Assessing satisfaction: We use a 1-10 scale to gauge hunger and fullness. A "1" represents high hunger and a drive to eat right in this moment; a "10" represents fullness to the brim. We encourage everyone at home to vocalize when their hunger is at a "3," and to signal that they are satisfied when at an "8."
Emotional awareness: We gently mark how different foods affect our mood, energy, and physical health, building eating skills that serve our wellness needs.
Creating a Sattvic Home Environment
In Ayurveda, our surroundings profoundly impact our mental state. A sattvic (balanced, harmonious) home environment supports family mental wellness.
Balanced Living Spaces
The physical arrangement of our homes can either aggravate or soothe doshic imbalances:
Decluttering: Excess clutter and object presence, particularly in common areas, increases vata in a host of ways, including a lack of focus and rising anxiety. Regular family decluttering practices help maintain mental clarity.
Color therapy: We use color intentionally—cooling blues and greens in places where pitta tends to flare (like the kitchen or home office), warming yellows and oranges in spaces where kapha stagnation might occur, and so on.
Natural materials: Whenever possible, we choose natural fibers, woods, and materials that maintain a connection to earth elements. Ditto with respect to house plants. This brings some of the healing power of nature into the home environment.
Elements of Peace
Incorporating the five elements thoughtfully helps balance family energy:
Earth: Plants and crystals bring grounding energy - particularly helpful for grounding vata.
Water: A small fountain, fish tank, or another water feature can cool pitta intensity and bring flowing, peaceful energy. Restrooms are a good place to lean into this - we like our home bathrooms to feel like places to cool off.
Fire: Responsible use of candles and lighting creates transformation and warmth, particularly beneficial during kapha-dominant winter months. Optimizing the entry of sunlight into the home also helps greatly.
Air: Proper ventilation and open windows maintain the circulation of prana (life force). They also give direction to vata and can help balance kapha.
Space: Creating some empty space prevents energetic stagnation.
Reducing Environmental Stressors
Modern homes often contain elements that disrupt our doshas:
EMF awareness: We establish technology-limited zones in bedrooms and limit WiFi use during sleeping hours. Sources of white noise/green sounds are welcome in bedrooms; other electronics are discouraged and actively placed elsewhere.
Natural lighting: Full-spectrum lights that mimic natural sunlight help maintain healthy circadian rhythms and mood regulation.
Sound healing: Reducing harsh noises and incorporating soothing sounds - wind chimes, gentle instrumental music, and nature recordings - helps balance the nervous system.
Communication and Emotional Expression
The doshas influence how we express ourselves and process emotions.
Constitutional Communication Patterns
Understanding what doshas are being expressed at any given moment helps to navigate family communication:
Vatika communication: Individuals dancing with a lot of vata often speak quickly, use either very few words or a whole lot of words, change topics frequently, and think out loud. They may need space to verbalize and process externally without immediate solutions being offered.
Paittika communication: Folks navigating high pitta often prefer to communicate directly and generally appreciate clear, concise responses and asks with actionable steps. They may need time outs (externally-imposed or self-imposed) before and while discussing emotionally-charged topics.
Kaphaja communication: When a lot of kapha is present, people often take their time processing internally before speaking. They may need encouragement to express thoughts and emotions.
Rajasika communication: When rajas is dominant, communication is often highly activated, activating, and action-oriented. So much so, in fact, that there may be a rush or pressure to find solutions and fixes excessively quickly. Intentionally slowing-down and carefully considering what courses of action are available are appropriate steps to call for.
Tamasika communication: A lot of tamas generally means a whole lot of nothing happening; words unsaid, or stagnation, or expressions of nihilism. One way to navigate this is to move out of communication with words and into the realm of action.
Tools for Emotional Processing
The doshas benefit from different approaches to emotional expression. Here are just a few examples:
Journaling: Particularly helpful for vata and kapha, writing provides a container for both swirling thoughts and slowish-moving emotional processing.
Physical activity: Both vata and pitta benefit from processing emotions best through movement - especially if that movement is more mindful and steady. Kapha gets a lot out of getting up and moving, as well, especially with a bit more vigor. A family walk or a game involving physicality can help facilitate difficult conversations in all cases.
Creative expression: Art, music, or dance gives all doshas - but especially vata and kapha - access to emotions that might be difficult to verbalize.
Creating Safe Sharing Spaces
Regular family practices can offer structure for authentic emotional expression:
Council circle: Borrowing from indigenous traditions, consider using a "talking piece," or an object, that signals when someone has the floor to speak without interruption.
Non-violent communication: Inspired by Marshall Rosenberg's work, we practice expressing observations, feelings, needs, and requests without blame - a framework that works beautifully with Ayurvedic understanding of different individuals' needs.
Practical Implementation
Start small! I always tell my patients that sustainable change begins with simple, consistent steps. Here are my top recommendations for implementing Ayurvedic practices in family life:
Morning time: Begin with just 5 minutes of family breathing or gentle stretching before devices come out. Notice how this small container of presence affects the day's flow.
Mindful meals: Create sacred space around family meals, or at least a few scheduled per week. Turn off devices, light a candle, take three collective breaths before eating. This isn't just about nutrition – it's about fostering connection and presence.
Evening reset: Establish a calming bedtime routine that includes gentle stretching, breathing exercises, or storytelling. These practices help process the day's emotions and prepare for restful sleep.
The key is consistency - perfection is not the goal. Choose one practice that you and the family are open to and commit to it for a month. Notice how the energy shifts, how communication changes, and how emotional resilience builds over time.
Addressing Common Challenges
Implementation often faces predictable obstacles:
Resistance: Expect some resistance from at least one family member (possibly even yourself!). Start with practices that feel enjoyable rather than medicinal, and involve everyone in choosing what to implement.
Scheduling conflicts: Modern family life is busy. Identify the non-negotiable times when everyone is present, and anchor new practices there.
Consistency struggles: Use the Ayurvedic principle of dinacharya (daily routine) as motivation. Help your family understand that these aren't "extra" activities but essential components of well-being.
Building Sustainable Routines
Sustainability comes by way of approach, not willpower:
Seasonal adjustments: Adapt practices to the season - for example, more physically active routines in winter when kapha is higher, and more paced routines during summer when vata is peaking and pitta is increasing.
Celebration: Acknowledge improvements in family dynamics, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement builds momentum.
Forgiveness: When routines fall away (and they will!), return to them without judgment. This modeling teaches children resilience in their own wellness practices.
The journey to family mental wellness through Ayurveda isn't about reaching a particular destination – it's about creating a sustainable way of living that honors each family member's unique nature while fostering collective harmony. When we understand and work with our individual constitutions while maintaining awareness of our family's collective balance, we create an environment where true emotional healing can flourish.
You already possess the wisdom to guide your family toward greater mental wellness. My role is to help you uncover and apply this ancient understanding in a way that makes sense for your modern life. Together, we can build a foundation of emotional resilience that will serve your family for generations to come.
Interested in learning more about how Ayurveda can support your family's mental wellness? Book a cost-free, 15-minute Consultation with me to discuss personalized solutions for your family's unique needs.
Dr. Matt Van Auken, MD, MPH
Dr. Matt is an Ayurveda-trained, triple board-certified physician.
